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5 subtle signs your partner is thinking about divorce, according to a family lawyer

5 subtle signs your partner is thinking about divorce, according to a family lawyer

From phone secrecy to pulling away from future plans, a family lawyer reveals the quiet signs that could suggest your partner is considering divorce.

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Published: October 8, 2026 at 4:20 PM

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January 6 marks National Divorce Day, the point in the year when divorce enquiries and searches typically surge as the festive bubble bursts and real life kicks back in. For many couples, Christmas and New Year can amplify existing cracks in a relationship, especially when family pressures, finances and emotional burnout collide.

Data shows that searches for “how to get a divorce” consistently peak in January. In 2024 alone, the term saw 3,600 searches during the month, and the pattern repeated in January 2025 as people questioned whether to stay or go once the decorations came down.

According to Grant Stephens, Family Solicitor and Managing Director at Grant Stephens Family Law, the signs that a partner may be considering divorce are often far quieter than people expect. Rather than explosive rows or dramatic walkouts, it is usually small behavioural changes that start to add up.

“Within Family Law, we often see a surge in divorce enquiries around January,” Grant explains. “For many people, the lead-up to the festive season becomes a period of reflection, and if their relationship has been going through a difficult patch for a longer period of time, they may decide that the New Year is the perfect time for a change.”

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He adds that those early warning signs are easy to dismiss, especially when life with children is already hectic. But noticing patterns early can help parents emotionally and practically prepare for what may come next.

“Many signs are rarely dramatic, and are more often than not, small yet noticeable. So if you’re feeling like something’s off but can’t quite place it, you might not be overthinking after all.”

Five subtle signs your partner may be thinking about divorce

Based on years of experience supporting families through separation, Grant outlines five common behaviours that often crop up in the months leading up to divorce.

Increased secrecy over phones and devices

“If your partner’s suddenly become more guarded with their phone or other devices, it could be an indicator that they’re researching legal options or confiding in others.”

Grant notes that while many people jump to the conclusion of an affair, that is not always the case.

“Many people will think that their partner is having an affair, but there are other things that a partner will be trying to hide on their phone. A sudden need for privacy, especially if it hasn’t been an issue before, can be an early sign that something is changing.”

Jealous woman spying her partner's phone while he is reading a message

An unusual interest in finances

Money often becomes a focal point when someone is quietly preparing for separation.

“Opening new bank accounts, or asking questions around joint finances may also indicate that they’re planning for financial separation.”

Grant explains that this is often one of the most practical steps taken before a divorce is formally discussed. “This is one of the more practical steps people take before considering or filing for divorce and often a sign that one is thinking about the next step.”

Withdrawing from future plans

If your partner seems reluctant to look ahead, it may not just be planning fatigue.

“Are they avoiding booking trips or discussing plans in the year ahead?”

Grant says this hesitancy can reflect deeper uncertainty about the future of the relationship. “This could also be a sign they’re unsure whether or not they’ll still be in the relationship further down the road.”

Growing emotional distance

Before officially separating, partners often start to detach themselves.

Grant Stephens

Emotional withdrawal is one of the most painful changes, particularly for parents trying to hold things together for their children “Before officially separating, partners often start to detach themselves," says Grant.

This can show up in different ways: “This could be noticed through more frequent arguing, them getting irritated at the slightest things, or a feeling that they’ve ‘checked-out’ and no longer care about the things they might’ve done before,” he explains.

Alternatively, the change can be quieter but just as significant. “It could also go the opposite direction, where they’ve become unusually quiet, indifferent, or simply detached.”

A sudden push for personal independence

A new focus on individual routines or friendships can also be a sign of emotional preparation.

“If your partner has all of a sudden found a new hobby or interest, such as reconnecting with old friends, or becoming more focused on their own routines, this could be an indicator that they’re planning a life of their own," says Grant.

If your partner has all of a sudden found a new hobby or interest, this could be an indicator that they’re planning a life of their own.

Grant Stephens

What to do if divorce is on your mind

“Recognising these signs can allow people to prepare for themselves, whether that means addressing these issues, getting legal advice, or reaching out to loved ones for support,” says Grant.

When children are involved, he stresses they must remain central to any decision: “Families and partners should consider a number of things if they’re thinking of a divorce. Firstly, children should play a huge part of it.”

He adds that staying together is not always the healthiest option: “While children should always be the number one priority, you need to ask yourselves whether they’ll be happier, especially if there’s often a lot of yelling or bickering around the house.”

Practical considerations also matter, including finances and shared assets. “You’ll also need to consider assets such as generic finances, the house and any other things that are technically ‘joint’,” he says.

Finally, Grant encourages couples to keep communication as calm and respectful as possible: “Splitting amicably makes the divorce process a lot easier, so try and respect each other’s decisions, wishes and, if things are getting heated, then seek professional advice.”

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