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Psychologist reveals how to tell if your children (or partner) is lying to you

Psychologist reveals how to tell if your children (or partner) is lying to you

Think you can spot a lie from shifty eyes? A senior educational psychologist says changes in someone's usual behaviour matter more.

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Ruairidh Pritchard

Published: September 25, 2026 at 6:00 PM

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This feature was first published on our Apple News channel. Follow us on Apple News to see content like this first.

Think you know when your child is telling a fib? Perhaps they suddenly won't look you in the eye, start fidgeting or seem a little nervous. And when it comes to your partner, you might reckon you know their tell before they've even finished their sentence.

But those classic giveaways may not be as useful as we've been led to believe. Senior Educational Psychologist Dr Sasha Hall says behaviours such as avoiding eye contact and fidgeting can happen for all sorts of reasons, from tiredness to anxiety.

Instead of looking for one universal sign that someone isn't being completely truthful, she suggests paying attention to something you may be much better placed to notice as a parent or partner: a change from how that person normally communicates.

Why avoiding eye contact doesn't necessarily mean someone is lying

It's probably one of the first things many of us look for when we're suspicious, but a child looking at the floor while answering a question isn't proof they've been caught out.

Dr Hall, who partnered with Live Casinos to examine common myths around spotting a bluff, explains: "People often rely on popular ideas about body language, such as avoiding eye contact or fidgeting, but these behaviours can occur for many different reasons. Someone might be tired, anxious, distracted or simply thinking carefully about their answer."

The same caution applies to behaviours such as touching the face, shifting position or fidgeting. Equally, someone confidently holding your gaze isn't automatically telling you the truth.

The behaviour change that could be more revealing

Rather than trying to decode one particular gesture, Dr Hall says it's more useful to know someone's "baseline", in other words, the way they usually speak, behave and respond.

"When people think about bluffing, they picture someone with a completely blank face. In reality it's far more nuanced than that. Everyone has their own natural communication style — some people are highly expressive, others are far more reserved, and neither is inherently more convincing. What actually gives people away is a change from their own baseline."

That could make this approach particularly relevant within families, where you're likely to be familiar with how your child or partner normally communicates.

4 changes to pay attention to

According to Dr Hall, changes in these areas can be worth noticing:

Pace of speech: A normally speedy talker suddenly slowing down, or someone who usually speaks carefully beginning to rush, particularly around one subject.
Level of detail: Someone suddenly over-explaining, or becoming much less forthcoming than usual.
How animated they are: An expressive person becoming unusually restrained, or a typically quiet person suddenly becoming much more animated.
Engagement: Becoming withdrawn, unusually attentive or responding differently from normal when challenged.

Importantly, none of these changes proves that your child or partner is lying. Context still matters, and stress, nerves or tiredness can all affect behaviour.

Why it's so easy to get it wrong

Even if you're convinced you have a finely tuned parental fib detector, Dr Hall cautions that we're not necessarily as good at spotting deception as we imagine.

Most of us like to think we would know if somebody was lying to us. The evidence suggests we are generally not as accurate as we believe.

Dr Sasha Hall, Senior Educational Psychologist

The problem comes when we interpret one glance, pause or fidget as definitive evidence rather than looking at the person's behaviour as a whole.

"It is much more useful to understand a person's usual communication style before trying to interpret whether anything has changed. Without that context, it is very easy to read meaning into behaviours that may be entirely typical for that individual."

So, can you actually tell when your child is lying?

There's no single behaviour that can reliably tell you someone isn't being truthful. Dr Hall's advice is to look at several behaviours together, compare them with what's normal for that individual and consider what's happening around them.

So the next time your child suddenly studies their shoes after you've asked who ate the last biscuit, those wandering eyes alone aren't enough to crack the case. A broader change in the way they're talking and interacting may tell you more, but even then, it's a clue rather than proof.

About our expert, Dr Sasha Hall

Dr Sasha Hall is a Senior Educational Psychologist with more than 15 years' experience working in educational psychology. She has worked within several Local Authority Educational Psychology Services since 2010 and has practised as a Senior Educational Psychologist since 2019. Dr Hall has also worked with doctoral training courses as a fieldwork tutor for Trainee Educational Psychologists and as a Visiting University Lecturer, delivering training on areas including Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs) and SEND appeals. She currently works as a Lead Visitor for a professional council, assessing whether educational courses and settings meet appropriate professional standards and relevant legislation. Dr Hall holds a BSc (Hons), PGCE and Doctorate in Educational and Child Psychology (DECPsy), and is an accredited Cognitive Stimulation Therapy practitioner (CSAccred, AAC).

Authors

Ruairidh PritchardDigital Growth Lead

Ruairidh is the Digital Lead on MadeForMums. He works with a team of fantastically talented content creators and subject-matter experts on MadeForMums.