5 women reveal the moment they knew their marriage was over
From a holiday realisation to a child’s heartbreaking question, these women share the moments that made them decide to leave.
- Kat Storr
Published: September 14, 2026 at 4:44 PM
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Not every marriage ends with a dramatic row. These women reveal the subtle and unforgettable moments that changed the course of their lives.
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“I never want to do this with him again”
“The evening should have been perfect,” Ellie* says. “We were on holiday and having dinner by the beach as the sun was setting. But as I looked at my husband and tried to listen to what he was saying, I thought to myself ‘I never want to do this with him again’. I knew this would be the last holiday for us, as husband and wife.”
Ellie, 47, and her husband were married for 18 years and had two children but got divorced in 2024. As many couples find after having children, the pair felt like they’d grown apart and wanted different things as they entered mid-life. While the holiday dinner was the moment Ellie felt it was all over, it took another year for the couple to finalise the split. “It was a horrible year, mainly because we were worried about our children, but we kept everything civil and co-parenting is working well for us now,” she explains.
“I genuinely switched off emotionally”
The situation was a bit more complicated for Louise*, 45, whose relationship had become full of bickering and falling out. She knew it was over when she and her husband were driving home after visiting her relatives. “We were having an argument about how grumpy he’d been during the visit and how embarrassed I'd felt. Suddenly, he pulled into an empty car park, leapt out of the car and violently banged his hands on the roof like a gorilla, screaming 'I want a divorce, I want a divorce!'
“I remember sitting there, gazing out of the windscreen, mortified as distant office workers glanced over at this lunatic. We didn't speak for the remainder of the three hour drive and though it took another couple of months to split, that was the end for me emotionally. I genuinely switched off at that moment and could never go back.”
The signs women often recognise too late
Farhana Hussain has three children and divorced her husband in 2019. She now works as the UK’s first divorce doula to support women through separation. She says from the outside her family life looked solid “but behind closed doors, I was in limbo, questioning, second guessing, waiting for clarity that never came.”
“I kept telling myself I needed more certainty (before leaving). What I actually needed was the courage to stop waiting,” she explains.
Hussain, who founded My Divorce Doula and also wrote She's Not Done Yet, says: “You'd think the instigator is the one who reaches that pivotal moment, the ‘enough is enough’ stage but it happens just as often for the woman on the receiving end. Even in shock. Even when she never wanted this. There's still a moment she decides for herself: ‘I can't live like this anymore’,” she explains.
While Louise’s experience above was quite dramatic, Hussain says this isn’t a common situation. “It's not usually a blow-up or a betrayal. It's quieter. It's internal. ‘I don't like who I've become in this marriage. I don't like what I'm allowing to happen. I don't like the mum I am right now, and I know I can do better than this’. That's the pivotal moment.”
“He told me his affair was just his hobby”
Sadly for Karen, 52, there was a betrayal in her marriage which led to it ending. “I had been with my ex-husband for 21 years (we met when I was 19 and he was 22) and we had been married 17 years,” she says. “I had just turned 40, which is a difficult birthday for women, I feel. Anyway, I discovered that my husband was having an affair with a much younger woman, he promised me it was a mistake, a bit of a midlife crisis and he would never see her again. I tried to forgive him and we tentatively tried to move on from it.
“Anyway, I discovered the affair was still continuing. I met him in a local pub one evening and he told me (in a very entitled manner) that I should just put up with it, as his fling would fizzle out in due course and I should just look at it as ‘his hobby’ as every man needed a hobby after all, and it was not like he played golf. I remember that was the exact moment the scales fell from my eyes and I realised what an arrogant, narcissistic person he really was. There was no turning back for me.”
“I couldn’t take any more”
While some women describe a gradual emotional shift or a single moment of clarity, for others the decision to leave is bound up with fear and survival. Around one in four women experience domestic abuse during their lifetime and for many of them, the moment they decide enough is enough will come later than it should. This is what happened to 41-year-old Eva.
“It was waking up in the spare bedroom, passport and car keys hidden under the pillow and realising I couldn’t take any more. I dressed hurriedly and grabbed my ancient teddy bear, some personal documents and hid them in the hallway. Then I spotted he hadn’t actually locked the front door, it was actually ajar and it was my opportunity to escape. I ran down those stairs from the flat with him in hot pursuit, into the street and hid behind a wall. He came level with the wall, but didn’t see me thankfully. That was it, I was out and it was over.”
“Our daughter’s comment broke our hearts”
Hussain says “for a lot of mothers, clarity comes through their children”. This is what happened to Amber*, 36, when the arguing with her husband became too much. “We were bickering about something in the car, and my five-year-old daughter asked us why we’re ‘always mean to each other’. I realised then that it was time to do what we had been putting off for a few years.”
Hussain has seen this a lot with the clients she works with. “Watching children pick up on tension, or get caught in the middle, or simply not see their mum happy. That's the moment it stops being about the marriage, and starts being about the woman she wants her children to grow up watching her be.”
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“Her comment broke our hearts,” says Amber. “The phrase ‘out of the mouths of babes’ hit hard. We tried counselling for a few months but we knew a split was ultimately the right decision. It’s been a bumpy road but we’re all much happier now, both the kids and adults.”
If you or someone close to you is in an abusive relationship the charities Refuge or Women’s Aid can offer advice and support. If you think someone’s safety is at risk, always call 999.
Authors
Kat Storr
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