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The most common sex problems couples face after a baby - and how to fix them

The most common sex problems couples face after a baby - and how to fix them

From painful sex to losing your libido, mums share their post-baby experiences and what might help you feel like yourself again.

Clio Wood
, Ruairidh Pritchard

Published: September 28, 2026 at 11:26 AM

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Nobody tells you quite how different sex can feel after having a baby. You might have survived pregnancy, given birth and navigated those exhausting newborn weeks, but when it comes to getting your sex life back, your body and mind may have other ideas.

Perhaps sex hurts when it never used to. Maybe your libido has completely disappeared, your breasts are suddenly off-limits or you're so exhausted by bedtime that the thought of anyone touching you again is simply too much. And behind many of these changes is some fascinating biology, from fluctuating hormones and breastfeeding to the way pregnancy and birth affect your pelvic floor.

In fact, when we asked our MadeForMums community about their sex lives after having children, 65% said they were having less sex than before, while 17% said they weren't having sex at all. So, what's really going on? We've brought together real mums' experiences and advice from sexual wellbeing expert Clio Wood, author of Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth, to explore seven common problems and what might help.

7 common sex problems after having a baby, and the biology behind them

1. 'Sex was a big fat no because I was still in so much pain!'

You might have heard that six weeks is the magic number when it comes to having sex after childbirth. But healing doesn't happen to a timetable, and for some women, sex can remain uncomfortable for months.

Kate, a mum from our MadeForMums Club, knows this all too well.

The first attempts at sex after about three months were a big fat no because I was still in so much pain

Kate, MadeForMums Club mum

Why does sex hurt after childbirth?

Several biological changes can contribute to painful sex, medically known as dyspareunia.

During vaginal birth, the perineum stretches considerably. Tears, episiotomies and subsequent stitches can leave scar tissue that feels sensitive or uncomfortable during penetration. Pregnancy and childbirth can also affect the pelvic floor muscles responsible for supporting your pelvic organs and contributing to sexual sensation.

Hormones play an important role, too. After childbirth, oestrogen levels fall significantly. If you're breastfeeding, they may remain relatively low, which can leave vaginal tissues thinner, drier and more sensitive.

And don't assume having a Caesarean means you'll necessarily avoid discomfort. Hormonal changes can affect everyone, while abdominal surgery brings its own recovery challenges.

What can help:

Use a body-safe lubricant to reduce friction and discomfort.
Take your time, experiment with comfortable positions and stop if sex hurts.
Speak to your GP if pain persists or you're concerned about your recovery.
Ask about pelvic health physiotherapy, particularly if you're experiencing scar discomfort or pelvic floor problems.

Pelvic floor exercises aren't automatically the answer. Some women have overly tense pelvic floor muscles rather than weak ones, and additional strengthening exercises may aggravate their symptoms. A specialist assessment can help identify the appropriate treatment.

2. 'I'd quite happily never have sex again'

If your sex drive seems to have disappeared since having children, you're certainly not the only one.

Bex, another mum from our MadeForMums Club, describes her experience:

My libido is just non-existent since having the kids, and I’d quite happily not have sex

Bex, MadeForMums Club mum

Why does your libido disappear after having a baby?

The postpartum period involves significant hormonal changes.

During pregnancy, oestrogen and progesterone levels rise dramatically. Following childbirth and the delivery of the placenta, both hormones fall sharply.

If you're breastfeeding, your body also produces prolactin, the hormone responsible for stimulating milk production. Elevated prolactin levels are associated with lower oestrogen levels and can contribute to reduced sexual desire.

Add sleep deprivation, physical recovery and the mental demands of looking after a baby, and it's understandable that sex might not be a priority.

Clio Wood, a sexual wellbeing expert and author, emphasises that rebuilding desire isn't simply about forcing yourself to have sex again.

Women often need to feel desire mentally before their body responds with physical arousal

Clio Wood, sexual wellbeing expert and author

What can help:

Take the pressure off intercourse and prioritise affection without expectations.
Talk honestly to your partner about your changing desire.
Make time for activities that help you feel like yourself again.
Speak to your GP or a psychosexual therapist if your loss of desire is causing distress.

3. 'Breastfeeding turned my boobs into a no-go zone'

Breastfeeding introduces an entirely new relationship with your breasts, and that can affect how you feel about intimacy.

For some mums, breasts that previously played a role in sexual pleasure suddenly feel exclusively associated with feeding their baby.

Rita, a mum from our MadeForMums Club, explains:

I breastfed for the first three years of my son's life, and the thought of being touched there was a huge no

Rita, MadeForMums Club mum

How does breastfeeding affect sex?

Breastfeeding stimulates prolactin production, which supports milk production while also influencing your reproductive hormones.

Lower oestrogen levels can reduce natural vaginal lubrication and contribute to vaginal dryness, irritation and discomfort during penetration.

Some breastfeeding women experience lactational vaginal atrophy, where reduced oestrogen affects vaginal tissues, making them thinner and more sensitive.

Meanwhile, oxytocin, the hormone involved in milk release, can also be released during sexual arousal. This means some breastfeeding mums experience unexpected milk leakage during intimacy.

And beyond the biology, breasts can simply feel overstimulated after hours of feeding.

What can help:

Use lubricant if vaginal dryness is making sex uncomfortable.
Explain to your partner if you'd prefer your breasts not to be touched.
Consider wearing a comfortable bra during intimacy if milk leakage bothers you.
Speak to your GP if dryness or irritation persists. Treatment options are available, including some that may be suitable during breastfeeding.

4. 'I cried after sex. I had no idea that was a thing'

You might expect to feel relaxed or happy after sex, so suddenly bursting into tears can be particularly unsettling.

Laura, a mum from our MadeForMums Club, experienced exactly that.

I remember after my first baby, we had sex and after the deed was done, I started crying

Laura, MadeForMums Club mum

Why can sex make you emotional after childbirth?

Pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding involve substantial hormonal fluctuations, which can affect emotional wellbeing.

Some people experience postcoital dysphoria, sometimes called the post-sex blues, which involves feelings of sadness, anxiety or tearfulness following otherwise consensual sexual activity.

The precise biological mechanisms aren't fully understood, so it's important not to assume that a sudden hormonal drop is necessarily responsible.

Postpartum exhaustion, anxiety, changes in body image and the emotional demands of becoming a parent may also contribute.

If you're experiencing ongoing low mood, anxiety or other symptoms of postnatal depression, speak to your GP or health visitor.

What can help:

Talk openly with your partner about your emotional response.
Avoid putting pressure on yourself to feel or behave a particular way during sex.
Consider whether exhaustion, anxiety or relationship difficulties might be contributing.
Seek professional support if tearfulness or emotional distress becomes persistent.

5. 'Sex feels completely different and I'm worried something is wrong'

Sometimes the problem isn't necessarily pain or a lack of desire. Sex simply doesn't feel the way it used to.

Changes in sensation, difficulty reaching orgasm or feeling disconnected from your body can all affect your enjoyment of intimacy.

What's happening to your body?

Pregnancy places considerable pressure on your pelvic floor, the group of muscles that supports your bladder, bowel and uterus.

Childbirth can stretch these muscles and surrounding tissues, while birth injuries may affect sensation.

However, pelvic floor problems aren't always caused by weakness. Some women experience excessive muscle tension, which can contribute to pain and difficulties with sexual pleasure.

Hormonal changes, particularly the reduced vaginal lubrication associated with breastfeeding, can also affect sensation.

What can help:

Experiment with different positions and allow more time for arousal.
Explore clitoral stimulation or using a vibrator if that feels comfortable.
Consider pelvic health physiotherapy if you're experiencing persistent changes in sensation.
Don't assume that doing more pelvic floor exercises will necessarily resolve the problem.

If you're experiencing ongoing numbness, pain or difficulties with orgasm that concern you, speak to your GP.

6. 'I'm completely touched out by bedtime'

After an entire day of feeding, carrying, cuddling and responding to your children's needs, the thought of more physical contact can feel overwhelming.

Maddie, a mum from our MadeForMums Club, describes an experience that will sound familiar to many parents.

I often feel completely ‘touched out’, and I just don’t want anyone touching me or needing anything from me

Maddie, MadeForMums Club mum

Why does being touched out affect your sex drive?

Feeling touched out isn't a medical diagnosis, but it describes a very real experience of physical and sensory overload.

When you're constantly responding to a baby's needs, particularly during breastfeeding, opportunities for uninterrupted personal space can be limited.

Sleep deprivation and stress can compound the problem. Rather than experiencing touch as pleasurable, you may begin to associate it with another demand on your time and energy.

Clio Wood encourages new mums to rediscover pleasure outside their parenting responsibilities.

Make time for yourself alone! Reconnect with the idea of pleasure for you only

Clio Wood, sexual wellbeing expert and author

What can help:

Explain to your partner when you need physical space.
Share childcare and household responsibilities wherever possible.
Make time for activities that allow you to recharge without your children.
Find ways to enjoy affection without the expectation that it will lead to sex.

7. 'We feel more like housemates than husband and wife'

Even when your body has recovered and your libido begins to return, finding the time and energy for intimacy can be another challenge entirely.

Between work, childcare, household responsibilities and interrupted sleep, it's easy for your relationship to slip down the priority list.

Michelle, a mum from our MadeForMums Club, explains how difficult finding time together can become.

I wish we had more time to be affectionate and intimate. I really miss it. But I know that we will get back to it one day. This phase of parent life is tough!

Michelle, MadeForMums Club mum

Why does having children change your relationship?

Parenthood brings significant practical and emotional changes. Sleep deprivation can reduce sexual desire, while the mental load of parenting can make switching from mum mode to feeling sexual particularly difficult.

For couples who spent months or years trying to conceive, sex may also have become associated with fertility rather than pleasure.

Clio Wood suggests rebuilding intimacy gradually, starting with small moments of affection rather than concentrating exclusively on intercourse.

What can help:

Make time for small moments together, even if it's simply having a cup of tea without distractions.
Rediscover kissing, cuddling and other forms of physical affection.
Talk openly about your expectations and how your relationship has changed.
Consider relationship counselling if you're struggling to communicate or experiencing ongoing resentment.

When should you seek help for sex problems after childbirth?

Although changes in your sex life are common after having a baby, persistent discomfort or distress isn't something you simply have to accept.

Speak to your GP if you're experiencing:

Persistent or recurring pain during sex.
Bleeding during or after intercourse once your initial postpartum recovery is complete.
Ongoing numbness or significant changes in sexual sensation.
Urinary incontinence or pelvic heaviness.
Persistent vaginal dryness or irritation, particularly if breastfeeding.
Significant anxiety, low mood or emotional distress surrounding intimacy.

Depending on your symptoms, your GP may recommend pelvic health physiotherapy, specialist gynaecological assessment or psychosexual support.

You don't need to wait until a particular point in your postpartum recovery to raise concerns.

Will sex ever feel normal again after having a baby?

For some women, sex eventually feels much as it did before pregnancy. For others, hormonal changes, physical recovery and the demands of parenting mean intimacy evolves into something different.

Understanding what's happening biologically can help explain why your body might not respond in the way you expect.

But there's no universal timetable for returning to sex, and your experience doesn't need to match anyone else's.

Whether you're navigating painful sex, breastfeeding-related changes, disappearing libido or simply finding five minutes alone with your partner, remember that support is available.

The aim isn't necessarily to recreate your pre-baby sex life. It's to discover what intimacy, pleasure and connection mean for you now.

About our expert

Clio Wood is a women’s health and sexual wellbeing advocate, journalist and author of Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth. Drawing on her own experiences of postnatal recovery, she founded &Breathe and has become a leading voice in maternal health, helping women navigate changes in their bodies, relationships and sexual wellbeing after childbirth. Her work has appeared in The Times, The Guardian, The Telegraph, Grazia, HuffPost and iNews.

Authors

Clio Wood

Ruairidh PritchardDigital Growth Lead

Ruairidh is the Digital Lead on MadeForMums. He works with a team of fantastically talented content creators and subject-matter experts on MadeForMums.