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Grandparents and childcare: family help or free labour? The debate that's dividing families

Grandparents and childcare: family help or free labour? The debate that's dividing families

A new study reveals families are split on paying grandparents for childcare, with many parents finding their own middle ground and others using an often overlooked government scheme.

Grandmother looking after grandchild. Multigenerational family get together, grandma, mom and child play chinese checkers in cozy home with warm light, creating loving atmosphere.

Hollie Bond

Published: January 19, 2026 at 4:48 PM

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A new debate is bubbling up in family group chats and parenting forums everywhere: should grandparents be paid for looking after their grandchildren, or is it simply part of their "family duty"?

With the cost of living still soaring, new research from baby brand Purebaby suggests modern families are more divided than ever. While many still see grandparent childcare as an act of love, a growing number of parents say the realities of work, money and burnout mean it may be time to rethink expectations.

And when we asked parents in our MadeForMums Club, the answers were just as nuanced.

So, should grandparents be paid to babysit?

Purebaby analysed 270 real Reddit comments to understand how families feel about paying grandparents for childcare. The findings show there's a real divide in opinions.

Around 42% felt grandparents should not be paid, often citing family duty and bonding. Another 43% said it depends on the situation, for example how often care is provided or whether it replaces paid childcare. Meanwhile, 16% were firmly in favour of payment, and that number is rising.

Mirabai Winford, founder of Purebaby, explains why the issue feels so charged right now.

“The debate isn’t just about money, it’s about changing family structures and how we value the time and effort that keeps them running,” she said.

“Looking after children can be exhausting yet rewarding work, and childcare is expensive. It’s important that all members of a family feel valued and understood.”

The debate isn’t just about money, it’s about changing family structures and how we value the time and effort that keeps them running.

Mirabai Winford, founder of Purebaby

When childcare feels like a family duty

Grandson joyfully running to embrace grandmother outside the school, celebrating their loving reunion after a day of learning

Many parents told us they do not pay grandparents, but make sure the help never comes at a cost to them.

“I don't pay them but 90% of the time they have the kids at our house,” says Teri Scott. “So I always make sure the fridge is stocked and has the bits they like. Both sets of grandparents see having the time with the kids as payment.”

For others, it is about showing appreciation in non financial ways.

“I definitely don’t think it’s their duty but we don’t pay them,” says Jodie Leigh. “Instead we take them out for meals to say thank you so they know we appreciate the help.”

Naomi Elise Crawford agrees. “I don't pay my mother for childcare and she would be offended if I even offered. I treat her in different ways though, like taking round a takeaway or paying for a bit of her shopping.”

Several mums pointed out that grandparents themselves often refuse money.

“My mother in law used to look after my eldest three days a week,” says Shereen Amy Wels. “She said it was her joy to do it and would have been really offended if we offered to pay her.”

Covering costs without calling it pay

A common middle ground is covering petrol, food or equipment, especially when grandparents travel or provide regular care.

“We offered to pay them but they both refused it,” says Amy Brooks. “My father in law does a 40 minute drive, so we pay his fuel money. He said no to this, but we just transfer it anyway.”

Lucy Brook shares a similar approach. “My Dad travels from Manchester to us, a 240 mile round trip each week. We pay him but pitch it as money for petrol and coffee.”

Others focus on making sure grandparents are not left out of pocket.

“I don’t think it should cost them to spend time with their granddaughters,” says Kirstie Jenkins. “Especially if it’s to help with holiday cover.”

Situations when it feels fair to pay grandparents

boy and grandfather from behind playing with a toy bank

For some families, paying grandparents feels like the most honest and practical option, especially when care replaces paid childcare or affects work.

“I’m all for grandparents being paid, given the context,” says Maddy Burrin. “Neither are yet retired, so if they reduced their working hours they would be losing income. We would rather give them money than pay a similar amount to nursery.”

Purebaby’s research found that those in favour of payment often cited fairness, financial impact and recognition of unpaid care. Suggested rates varied, but many mentioned figures equivalent to part time childcare.

“It’s important that families sit down and discuss a plan that works for them,” Winford adds. “Communication is key.”

It’s important that all members of a family feel valued and understood.

Mirabai Winford, founder of Purebaby

What about pension credits and National Insurance help?

One option many parents still do not know about is government support that can protect grandparents’ state pension while they help with childcare.

Mariya Wright explains how it works for her family. “I give my mum pension credits from me for helping us which goes towards her pension. She was made redundant and doesn’t work, so it’s working out for everyone.”

Kate Stevens adds, “My mother in law has recently signed up for the NI contributions too.”

How grandparents can protect their state pension while looking after the grandkids

If a grandparent looks after a child under 12 while a parent works, they may be eligible for Specified Adult Childcare Credits. These credits transfer National Insurance credits from the parent to the grandparent, helping to protect their state pension record if they are not working or earning enough. The scheme is designed to recognise unpaid childcare and ensure grandparents do not miss out on future pension entitlement. Parents must be eligible for Child Benefit and agree to transfer the credits. Applications can be backdated. You can find full details and how to apply on the GOV.UK website.

So, should we be paying grandparents for childcare or not?

For most families, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some grandparents cherish the time and would be offended by the idea of payment. Others need costs covered or income replaced, especially if they aren't anywhere near retiring. Many mums told us the most important thing is removing pressure and keeping communication open.

As Katie Morrison puts it, “We’ve always made a point of saying there’s no pressure and that we’re happy to arrange alternative childcare if they stopped enjoying it. And my mum did take us up on this so we reduced down from one day to a half-day.”

In 2026, love, labour and loyalty are more intertwined than ever. For modern families, the best arrangements are the ones built on honesty, flexibility and mutual respect, and, if you're not paying the grandparents for childcare, the odd thank you gift or gesture can go a long way!

Authors

journalist and two young kids sat on a bench in France for a review of Eurocamp

Hollie BondSenior Digital Journalist

Hollie is Senior Digital Journalist at MadeForMums. She writes articles about pregnancy, parenting, child health and getting pregnant. She has written for a number of national lifestyle magazines and websites over the past 12 years including Family History Monthly, You and Your Wedding and Muddy Stilettos. She has two children aged 5 and 8 and hasn't slept since 2017!