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The way you react to your child’s bumps and scrapes can shape how they feel pain for years

The way you react to your child’s bumps and scrapes can shape how they feel pain for years

New research suggests that what you say when your child gets hurt matters more than the injury itself

Happy little girl with injured knee, getting plaster from her father, outdoors in street.

MadeForMums

Published: January 26, 2026 at 4:13 PM

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No parent wants to see their child get hurt, and it might be hard not to react with shock or worry if you see your child get injured.

But research shows our reactions matter more than we realise. How we react to everyday bumps and scrapes can shape how children understand pain, danger and their own bodies for years to come.

Joshua Pate, senior lecturer in physiotherapy at the University of Technology Sydney explains why, and how best to approach children's injuries in his article in The Conversation.

Why children look to us first

Children use adults as their emotional barometer. They read our tone, posture and facial expressions to decide how worried they should feel. In effect, they borrow our nervous system to work out whether a situation is dangerous.

Research into everyday pain shows that minor injuries like bumps, cuts and scrapes happen often. For active toddlers in daycare, they occur about once every three hours. In these moments, adults tend to respond to a child’s distress, such as crying, rather than the actual severity of the injury.

When we panic, we unintentionally turn the pain volume up. Highly distressed or overprotective responses can make children more fearful, more likely to avoid activity, and more sensitive to pain over time.

But staying calm has the opposite effect. It teaches children that pain can feel loud without meaning something terrible has happened.

The two phrases that can backfire

When your child is hurt, it is tempting to shut the moment down quickly. But two very common phrases can do more harm than good:

“You are OK” - Pain does not need visible damage to be real. Telling a child they are fine when they are clearly hurting can feel dismissive, as if their internal signals cannot be trusted.
“Don’t cry" - Crying is a healthy signal for help. Asking a child to suppress it suggests the feeling itself is too scary to be acknowledged, cutting off communication without reducing the sense of threat.

Calm on the outside, scanning on the inside

Staying calm does not mean ignoring genuine warning signs. The goal is calibrated concern, somewhere between panic and dismissal.

Before speaking, do a quick internal scan. If your child is responsive, breathing normally and able to move, it is unlikely to be an emergency. Parents should still watch for red flags such as vomiting, confusion, unusual sleepiness, or pain that worsens rather than improves.

If it is a minor injury, shift to validation rather than reassurance. Simple phrases like “that looked sore”, “you got a fright”, or “I am here” confirm safety without minimising the feeling.

How age changes what helps

Upset girl child being comforted by her mother

Toddlers aged two to five rely heavily on facial expression and tone. Keep language simple and offer physical comfort.

Primary school children often want to be involved. Letting them help clean a scrape or choose a plaster gives them a sense of control.

Meanwhile, teenagers usually need a mix of validation and space. Asking what they need from you can be more helpful than stepping in automatically.

Why getting moving again matters

Once the tears settle, the recovery phase shapes how children feel about their bodies. For years, standard advice followed RICER, rest, ice, compression, elevation and referral. Newer evidence suggests complete rest can actually slow healing.

Updated guidance now uses PEACE and LOVE. PEACE applies immediately:

Protect
Elevate
Avoid anti-inflammatories
Compress
Educate

LOVE follows after a few days:

Load - increase the load you put on your body slowly, and listen to pain signals
Optimism - stay confident and positive about recovery
Vascularisation - doing cardiovascular exercise can increase blood flow to injured areas
Exercise - stay active as you recover

The biggest shift is optimism and gentle movement. This approach teaches children that their bodies are adaptable and designed to heal.

Three small things parents can try

Help your child turn a scary sensation into information. For older children, asking for a pain number from 0 to 10 shows that pain changes and usually settles quickly.
Get down to their level and take a few slow breaths together. When they are calmer, offer a choice, such as sitting together for a moment or trying to walk.
That evening, talk through what happened and focus on coping and bravery. This helps reframe the memory from “I got hurt” to “I got hurt and I managed it”.

Good enough parenting is enough

If you have ever overreacted to a fall, be kind to yourself. Protecting our children is instinctive. What matters most is a consistent pattern where pain is taken seriously and bodies are seen as capable.

The next time a bump happens, take a breath. Your child is watching you, and in that moment, you have the chance to show them they are safe and that their body knows how to heal.

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