What Jennette McCurdy’s new novel teaches us about how parents shape our adult relationships

A psychotherapist explains how childhood parenting shapes adult love, as Jennette McCurdy’s Half His Age explores a fraught mother-daughter relationship.

Composite image of Jennette McCurdy and a broken heart-shaped lollipop

Published: February 2, 2026 at 3:09 PM

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Jennette McCurdy’s last book, I’m Glad My Mom Died, was a much talked about exposé of her childhood of two halves: child stardom and Disney glamour versus a darker side of dealing with a narcissistic mom, eating disorders, and sexual abuse.

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It dealt with questions of how a parent-child relationship can shape our psyches into adulthood — as does her new novel, Half His Age.

In Half His Age, McCurdy writes about a new less-than-ideal mother-daughter relationship that forms the backdrop to a relationship between teenager Waldo and her married English teacher. Waldo’s mother gives her inappropriate love advice (e.g. telling her “the best way to keep a man is to be as pretty as you can be”) and is generally neglectful, leaving her daughter alone while she pursues men.

While (hopefully) most mums aren’t passing down similar advice, can the way our parents treated us impact how we will go on to behave in romantic relationships? And how can we help the next generation look at love in a healthier way?

We asked Manjit Sidhu, a systemic and family psychotherapist, about how parent-child relationships can influence how we interpret love.

Early relationships shape how we see later ones

Waist up portrait of little kid looking at mom with joy. She is walking with mother and father holding hands and feeling delighted

“Our interpretation of love is not just through the messages and stories we are told, but more through the care we receive,” Manjit says. “What we observe and experience early on in life is likely to be the story that we tell about ourselves and about others.”

The way we pick up messages about what love should look like, then, is twofold: through narratives we pick up from watching our parents’ romantic relationship/s and hearing stories, and through experiencing our own relationships with our parents and other family members.

“From an attachment perspective, early relationships teach us what to expect from closeness such as whether others are reliable, whether our needs will be met, and whether it is safe to depend on someone,” Manjit says.

“From a systemic lens, children do not just attach to individuals, they attach to patterns. They learn how love is organised in their family: who holds power, who accommodates, who is overlooked, and how emotions are managed (or avoided). These patterns can quietly shape the roles we fall into later, often without us consciously choosing them,” she says.

This means that for McCurdy’s protagonist, the way that her mother parented her is likely to be more important in shaping her idea of love than her mother’s terrible advice later on in life, Manjit says.

“Being left alone is more likely to be impactful,” she says. “What the daughter may come to believe is that she is less worthy of time, attention, and love, which could contribute to a path of pursuing love in unhealthy ways, masking behaviours, and people pleasing.”

The way we navigate family dynamics shapes how we approach romance

The way that children adapt to these familial patterns informs how they continue to approach relationships later in life.

These strategies aren’t character flaws, and they don’t always spell disaster — “but they can become limiting when carried into adult romantic relationships,” Manjit says.

If you witnessed a lot of conflict in your home or in your childhood, you may come to believe that low-fi relationships are boring, not real, and wrong. If repair did not follow that conflict, you may struggle to know how to deal with it.

Manjit Sidhu

“If you witnessed a lot of conflict in your home or in your childhood, you may come to believe that low-fi relationships are boring, not real, and wrong. If repair did not follow that conflict, you may struggle to know how” to deal with it, Manjit says.

Or, she says, “if care was inconsistent, intrusive or emotionally unavailable, a child may adapt by becoming hyper-attuned to others, minimising their own needs, or avoiding intimacy altogether.”

The way that we relate to or interact with other family members can also inform how we approach romantic relationships later on in life.

“As children, we take on roles in our families; some familiar roles include the fixer. These children grow up to be your typical people pleasers, who find their value in what they can offer others,” Manjit says. “In relationships, this can often set up a one sided dynamic, where knowing what your partner’s needs are can become a challenge.”

Parents aren’t the be-all and end-all, though

“Parental relationships are influential, but they are not destiny. Our romantic templates are also shaped by culture, gender norms, religion, migration histories, media, peer relationships, and later corrective experiences,” Manjit says.

And all is not lost after childhood — we can unlearn unhealthy patterns or learn to deal with them better.

“Adult relationships themselves can be deeply reparative. Therapy, friendships, and relationships where there is safety and repair can all help us revise earlier beliefs about love,” Manjit says. “Importantly, insight and reflection create choice. Once something is named, it no longer has to run the show.”

It’s important to remember that no one finds relationships easy — no matter if their parents were perfect (which they probably weren’t!).

“Many people worry there is something “wrong” with them when relationships feel hard. Often, what we are seeing is not dysfunction but loyalty to early patterns that once kept us emotionally safe. Understanding this can open up compassion for ourselves and for our parents,” Manjit says. “Love is not fixed; it is something we continue learning how to do across life.”

How parents can set their children up for a healthy relationship to love

Manjit has some tips for parents on how to try to avoid passing on unhealthy ways of thinking that they might have around romance to their own children.

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Authors

Serafina Kenny journalist headshot

Serafina KennyDigital Journalist

Serafina Kenny is a Digital Journalist at MadeForMums. She writes news and features and has expertise in health, nutrition, relationships, and history. She has previously written for Business Insider, Women's Health, Stylist, Men's Health US, The i Paper, Dazed, and more. You can contact her with tips and story ideas (or compliments!) at serafina.kenny@immediate.co.uk.

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