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Brooklyn Beckham and the heartbreak of estrangement – how parents can stop it happening to them

Brooklyn Beckham and the heartbreak of estrangement – how parents can stop it happening to them

Brooklyn Beckham's rift with his famous parents have sparked a painful question for many parents: how can a child you lovingly raised grow up and walk away? Relationship experts say estrangement rarely comes out of nowhere – and the warning signs often start in childhood.

Hollie Bond

Published: January 29, 2026 at 11:46 AM

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With the tension between Brooklyn Beckham and his parents, David and Victoria Beckham, splashed all over the news it’s easy to get caught up in the celebrity intrigue and forget that they are a real family. But beneath the speculation and juicy celeb gossip is a far more universal fear for parents – could this happen to my family?

What must it feel like, as a mother or father, to look at your grown child and realise the bond you nurtured for decades now feels fragile, distant, or even broken? The baby you adored, the toddler you proudly watched take their first steps, and the child you cherished for all those years suddenly wants nothing to do with you. It's heartbreaking.

Victoria Beckham with a young Brooklyn sat on her lap in 2004

Image: Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images

Most parents assume estrangement only happens in “dysfunctional” families. In reality, therapists say it often grows quietly in loving homes, built from small moments that never quite healed.

"Families do not suddenly 'break'," says Dr Joy Conlon, Psychotherapist at Coyne Medical. "They are slowly shaped over time by everyday interactions, emotional habits, and unspoken rules about love, power, and what needs to happen to ‘belong’. Most parents genuinely want the best for their children. Most children genuinely want to feel loved, safe, and accepted. Estrangement often emerges not because either side is cruel or uncaring, but because their emotional realities slowly drift apart."

I've seen it happen in my own family – between my father, his parents and his siblings. He's estranged from his sister, has an on-off relationship with his mother and had no feelings towards his late father as an adult at all. From the sidelines I can see how it all went wrong from the earliest days of his life, with his parents not understanding his ambitious Type A personality and their extreme favouritism of his sister.

The fear of history repeating itself and this happening to my own nuclear family is constant and, as a fellow mother, I can't help but feel devastated for Victoria right now.

While the Beckhams have recently shone a spotlight onto family estrangement, sadly it's no new or even rare thing. A 2025 YouGov poll revealed that 38% of Americans are estranged from a family member while UK studies show that approximately one in five families are affected by estrangement.

The good news? Psychologists and relationship experts agree there are things parents can do – from the earliest years right through adulthood – to dramatically reduce the risk of losing touch with their children later in life.

Common reasons for children to become estranged as adults

Section of a broken paper people chain

Estrangement is rarely caused by one explosive argument. Instead, it’s usually the result of years of emotional buildup.

“Adult children tend to cut off their parents due to unmet emotional needs and broken trust that never gets repaired,” explains Matthew Bernarda, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at 12 South Recovery. “Most adult children can handle imperfect parents. What they can't handle is constant denial, minimizing, and saying that something didn't happen and that their feelings aren't legitimate.”

Amanda Ferrara, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Program Therapist at Ocean Recovery, agrees, saying estrangement is usually “smaller things, one right after the other – dismissed feelings, no apologies, tightening rules, and conditional love.” Over time, the child internalises the message that their emotions are inconvenient or wrong.

Big life moments – weddings, new partners, babies, or moves – can act as the tipping point. As Claire Law, psychotherapist and legal contributor at Custody X Change explains, what looks like a sudden cutoff is often “just the end of a long internal process.”

Dr Joy agrees: "In my work with families and estranged adult children, what becomes clear is that relationship breakdown is rarely about one dramatic moment. It is about patterns that go unnoticed for years. Nobody walks away easily."

How the way you parent can predict your future relationship with your kids

Parents often measure success by outcomes: safety, good grades, stability. Children measure it by how it felt to grow up.

“Parents often believe they did their best because the kid has good grades and a roof over their heads,” says Matthew. “But the child measures the relationship by how they felt. Did you know me? Did you like me? Could I come to you without fear?”

Parents and children remember things differently because they were in different roles.

Psychotherapist Claire Law

When love feels conditional – based on behaviour, achievement, or mood – children learn to perform rather than connect. Amanda explains that if kids are mocked for sadness, punished for anger, or ignored when expressing preferences, “they will stop sharing long before they stop needing support.”

This emotional shutdown in childhood often becomes emotional distance in adulthood.

It can be hard to make amends because both sides will remember those childhood years differently and it's hard for either side to accept that the way they saw or felt things may not have been so clear-cut and one-dimensional.

“Parents and children remember things differently because they were in different roles," says Claire. "Parents remember intention and effort. Children remember how it felt and what happened repeatedly. A parent remembers organizing, protecting, and providing. The child remembers criticism, comparison, and not being listened to. Both of these things can exist at the same time and both can be true, especially if there was chronic stress caused by finances, divorce, illness, or conflict."

Or in the Beckhams case... being a family in the spotlight.

Not being consistent with children is another parenting pattern that Dr Joy sees in estranged families. "A child may experience warmth and closeness one day and distance or withdrawal the next, without understanding why. Over time this teaches the child to stay alert to the mood changes of their care givers and thus it is not allowing the child to feel emotionally secure. As an adult, this can show up as anxiety in close relationships or a fear of upsetting others, and people pleasing behaviours ensue."

Why treating young siblings differently can cause future family problems

close up of fed up child with mother and younger sibling happily playing on blurred sofa behind her

Few things damage family relationships as deeply – and quietly – as favouritism.

“If one sibling is the golden child and the other one is a scapegoat, resentments get built into the family structure,” says Matthew. “Both of these roles create anxiety.”

Claire adds that even subtle differences matter. Labels like "the responsible one", "the difficult one", or "the sensitive one" become identities children carry into adulthood. “Kids internalise these labels,” she says, and sibling resentment can last for decades if parents don’t acknowledge the pattern.

Subtle favoritism is especially damaging to a child.

Family Therapist Amanda Ferrara

Amanda agrees that this dynamic often spills into adult life, fuelling hostility between siblings and widening the emotional gap with parents who refuse to own their role. "Subtle favoritism is especially damaging to a child. Saying things like, "your sister is more sensitive," or "your brother needs me more," or constantly comparing them in school, sport, or behavior – it rewrites your story as a family."

"We gain our sense of self from external feedback when we are young," says Dr Joy. "Thus how we are viewed, spoken about and treated within the family stays with us."

As a parent you can take steps to repair this if you've already fallen into the favouritism trap: “Sibling resentment can be repaired later in life, but parents need to own their part and what they did to change the roles in the family. It's not enough to ask everyone to move on."

Parenting advice for raising well-adjusted adults

Experts agree that emotionally safe homes – not perfect ones – raise children who stay connected.

That means allowing feelings without punishment, letting children disagree without fear, and keeping adult problems out of children’s emotional workload. “Loyalty pressure is a huge driver of estrangement,” says Claire. “Kids are put in the middle, asked to pick sides, or made responsible for their parents’ mood.”

Overly controlling parenting can also backfire. “When parents insist on access, guilt their children for choosing partners, or criticise boundaries, the child learns to hide,” says Amanda. “Distance becomes easier than conflict.”

Dr Joy agrees that controlling behaviour that is framed as care can be a precursor to a strained adult relationship. "While the parent may genuinely believe they are protecting their child, the child often experiences this as not being trusted, feeling criticised and judged for the things they are interested in or having their choices minimised and disrespected." she says.

This is one of the reasons Brooklyn Beckham cites for his current estrangement from his parents. On his recent Instagram post he revealed: "I have been controlled by my parents for most of my life. I grew up with overwhelming anxiety. For the first time in my life, since stepping away from my family, that anxiety has disappeared".

"As children grow, they naturally want more independence to make their own choices," explains Dr Joy. When parents respond to this with guilt tripping, negative judgements, criticism, or emotional withdrawal to indicate their disapproval, the child learns that voicing my needs and exerting a degree of independence threatens connection."

Instead the goal, experts say, is to be a safe base – not a director. Families should not be a dictatorship.

Steps parents can take today to keep child resentment at bay

Mother and daughter hugging, laughing, spending time outdoors together. Precious moments with loved ones, nostalgic memories to cherish. Real wealth

If any of the above has alarm bells ringing in your ears, don't panic because it's never too late to make a change.

Experts believe repair is possible at any age, but it requires humility and action from parents.

“The only repair move you can make is specific and behavioural,” says Matthew. “Name your overreaction, apologise, ask to hear about their reality, and listen without correcting the details.”

Amanda stresses the importance of real apologies: not “I’m sorry if you felt that way”, but specific ownership of what you did. And if you want to give advice? Ask permission first.

Claire’s advice is simple but powerful: make home emotionally predictable. Let children disagree without punishment. Praise effort without comparison. Respect boundaries with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

And Dr Joy emphasises the power of accountability: "Arguments happen in all families. What matters is whether someone comes back to say I am sorry and is accountable for their actions by indicating maybe ‘I did not handle that well’."

Children don’t need flawless parents. They need parents who can say, “I hurt you, I see it now, and I’m willing to change.” That’s how trust survives – and how families stay connected long after childhood ends.

Abour our experts

Dr Joy Conlon PhD MSc MSc BSc is a Psychotherapist, an Executive, Business & Personal Coach and Performance Improvement Consultant at Coyne Medical. She has successfully worked with people all over the world helping them to enhance and transform their day-to-day personal and professional lives. Matthew Bernarda is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at 12 South Recovery, where he helps individuals and families navigate addiction, trauma, and co-occurring mental health challenges. Amanda Ferrara is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Program Therapist at Ocean Recovery in California. She provides evidence-based therapy for individuals and couples addressing trauma, anxiety, relationship challenges, and life transitions. Claire Law is a psychotherapist and legal contributor at Custody X Change. She has nearly 20 years of teaching experience. She supports children, young people, and parents through challenges like divorce and custody. Claire holds a postgraduate qualification in Psychotherapy from the University of Central Lancashire and is a BACP Accredited Counsellor.

Authors

journalist and two young kids sat on a bench in France for a review of Eurocamp

Hollie BondSenior Digital Journalist

Hollie is Senior Digital Journalist at MadeForMums. She writes articles about pregnancy, parenting, child health and getting pregnant. She has written for a number of national lifestyle magazines and websites over the past 12 years including Family History Monthly, You and Your Wedding and Muddy Stilettos. She has two children aged 5 and 8 and hasn't slept since 2017!