'My husband took six months of paternity leave — and it changed our marriage, money and motherhood'

When Sarah Tooze’s husband took six months of paternity leave, it didn’t just ease the childcare juggle — it reshaped their family life in ways they never expected. Here’s why longer leave was worth every moment and why more families are calling for change.

father holding newborn with daughter next to him

Kerry Unwin Photography

Published: March 3, 2026 at 11:01 AM

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For many parents the newborn bubble lasts just one or two weeks. It’s a special time when you, hopefully, get to bring your baby home and stare in wonder at how tiny and curled up they are. You admire their little hands and feet, watch them yawn and stretch ever so slowly, and try to decide which family member they most resemble.

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And then the bubble bursts. Your partner returns to work and suddenly you’re alone on the treadmill of feeding, nappy changing, and praying you can settle your crying baby to sleep so you can get household jobs done or, just maybe, a quick snooze yourself.

My husband Umut Kizilcali and I were lucky with our second child. Our newborn bubble didn’t go bang. We were able to let the air out gently and return to the outside world when we were both ready.

That’s because he took six months of paternity leave, and received full pay from his employer King’s College Cambridge for the duration, instead of being limited to the statutory two weeks and the statutory paternity pay of £187.18 a week.

It was a relief financially, particularly because I didn’t have any maternity pay to fall back on from an employer. As a self-employed journalist I was reliant on the Government’s maternity allowance, which is between £27 and £187.18 a week for up to 39 weeks.

For many households the current system in the UK makes taking time off difficult or, in some cases, impossible, especially given the current squeeze on people’s personal finances. One in three dads take no paternity leave at all because they can’t afford to.

Campaigners want to see paternity leave increased to six weeks paid at 90% of salary, and hundreds of dads will be marching with prams in London calling for change at the Push for Paternity event at the start of Equal Parenting Week in April.

Time to bond

The impact of Umut’s six months paternity leave was so much more than financial. As he explains: “It allowed me to bond with our new baby and to be there for her first smile, her first sounds and her first big movements like rolling over.”

composite image of a father looking after his baby daughter during his six months paternity leave

Early language development was important too.

“I was able to speak to her in my native language, Turkish, and she now calls me ‘baba’, which means ‘dad’ in Turkish, and that always makes me smile,” Umut says.

Time away from work also allowed us to adjust to being a family of four. Our eldest daughter had longed for a sister but at the same time we experienced big bouts of jealousy from her, and we were able to tackle that together by each spending time with her while the other looked after our youngest.

“I was able to pick our daughter up from school, which I never normally do as I have an hour-long commute, and we didn’t need to put her in after school club so we gained a lot more time as a family,” Umut says.

“I was there for meetings with her teacher, and things like her Christmas assembly, so I was more involved in her school life during my paternity leave.”

Confidence-building

“Time with our girls has made me more confident as a parent, although I would like to think that I’ve always been a hands-on dad,” Umut says. “I have definitely dealt with my fair share of poonamis!”

Umut’s parenting confidence comes from him having quality time with our eldest daughter during her first year of life too. Although his employer didn’t offer six months paternity leave at that time, we were able to do shared parental leave, which allows you and your partner to share up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between you in the first year after your child is born.

We believe that quality time with their dad has made our daughters confident and independent.

I chose to take a six-month block off work after she was born and then I returned to work while Umut had 15 weeks of leave. We both had our statutory shared parental pay topped up by our employers so financially this meant we could spend more than nine months with our daughter without needing to pay for childcare - and, importantly, one of us was there for her milestones.

Six years on from that it’s clear to see the strong bond our eldest has with Umut. When she was asked at school to describe her ‘special person’ she wrote: “My daddy is special because he makes me laugh. My daddy is kind because he helps me learn.”

Research suggests that babies learn different skills and qualities from spending time with their dad. We believe that quality time with their dad has made our daughters confident and independent. They are not afraid to be in a new environment – whether it’s a playgroup, nursery or school – and are keen to get stuck into activities. I’m lucky if I get a backwards glance when I drop them off!

Support as a mum

Longer paternity leave was beneficial for me as a mother too, particularly having support during the postpartum period when you need to physically recover from birth and your hormones are raging.

My breastfeeding experience wasn’t straightforward. With my second child I had a painful infection multiple times in the first two months and it would have been very difficult if Umut had been going to work every day.

I had just changed careers so I was nervous about taking time off. But that was outweighed by knowing I would have that time with our baby.

Overall, there have been so many positives from longer paternity leave that we wish more parents could have that experience.

But we appreciate that even when shared parental leave or enhanced paternity leave is available from your employer it’s not always easy to request the time off. You might work in a male-dominated industry which still sees childcare as ‘women’s work’. Or you might be worried that you’re putting your career on hold.

“I had just changed careers so I was nervous about taking time off,” Umut says. “But that was outweighed by knowing I would have that time with our baby.”

And those precious few months when they’re a newborn is worth everything.

UK dads’ paternity leave rights: what are you actually entitled to?

If you’re having a baby in the UK, fathers and non-birthing parents have several different leave options. What you can take, and what you’ll be paid, depends on eligibility and finances.

Statutory paternity leave

Shared parental leave

Unpaid parental leave

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Main image: Kerry Unwin Photography

Authors

Sarah Tooze

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